people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
