I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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