there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
