And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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