We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
