thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
