it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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