It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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