he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize