Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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