Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
