Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Randomize
