i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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