We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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