I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
