It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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