I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
These tits shall not be calmed
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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