I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
