I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
