Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
