clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
