Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
