I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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