Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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