The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
