halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
40s are totally the cure
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
