i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
