Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
