My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
