mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
