I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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