that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
