It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Dick very happy bro
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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