So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
