Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
