Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
