She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
