Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
