Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
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