Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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