there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
