My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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