what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
