I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
