At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
