You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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