the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
