And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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