all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
