only you would photoshop your dick
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
false alarm, still single
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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