maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
