well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
