yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
they're like a gay fantastic four
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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