when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
