Apparently you make a good broom.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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