just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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