someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
