We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
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