i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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