I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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