I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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