So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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