So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
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