Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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