Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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