she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I don't deserve a penis
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
