O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
