I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
