If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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