just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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