But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
