Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
So. Much. Porn.
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