textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
