Buhtt sex?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
