I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
No...this little piggys going to the bar
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
